I Think its About Time?!

Well as the title in tails its about time i actually did some blogging or even expressing myself. Past few weeks has been extremely hard for myself and other who i don't want to mention just yet. But my life hasn't been all that grand. It has got that spark that make me wake up every morning wishing it will be like this forever, its more of hide and conspire. I hate hide and i hate not being myself and being able to express myself. i do i would, but to whom? those who are closest to me want to know about it all want to know what I'm thinking and what is going through my mind. To those i want to express to shot me down when i do, they kill my eagerness they make me feel belittle put shit on me that i don't want. i just want to tell them what i think with no feedback. blogging good for that. Every day i wish to have the power to change time or even read people mind, not that i want to hear everything they have to say but know what they want to hear to make it better for them rather then make me investigate and search through endless words that they say. But i guess I'm asking to much to much bull.

Question: If your stuck between a rock and a hard place, what do you do?

Cliche quote/question but that's where i am I'm stuck and need help, although the only person that can do anything is ME lucky old me, i have the power to change thing and pull myself out, but do i really want to.? Reading this you might realise i have two minds of everything (what ifs?) are a lot. Gemini what you expect! i cant focus on one thing i have many. (hint) il make you make up your mind regarding things but i do wand some advice or even help.

How do you escape???

Escape what? you might ask escape the TRUTH!

When WIll It End.

Part 2.

Another day. Another time in my life where things are at a cross road. What to do.? What would you do.? How can i be so deep in the trouble and yet no one knows about it. I havent kept it from anyone. its just that the issue hasnt come on in conversations.

Long story short. I was introduce to this girl, we had some connection there. im honestly not sure how i feel yet. I like who she is her nature her personality and the fact that she near by and i can see her almost anytime i want. My life hasnt been easy hasnt been the one i expected. I want more. Is it about time to think about myself? Look after myself and understand that its my life and those around me will always be effected some how. Ive had dreams about this girl she been in my head for some time. I was introduce by my parents and now my parents are on my back about it. Keep asking me about how much or if any ... i.e. Do i like her.? .. well i say to my parents i dont know i dont want to think about it.

Ive taken her out to eat, locally to just relax and get to know her, i want to understand her mind, what type of person she is. Ive found that she a Gemini, and she talkative and very communicative like myself, i already with the first sign can understand and kinda felt attracted to that. Im falling for her and its not good. From what i heard that she has already fallen for me, and she willing to do alot to make me happy. Im in another world when im around her, i just focus on her she is something special ahhh why now. Am i ready? that i dont know.

Something scary happen well not happen but something i came across on the web. regarding my star sign Gemini. "ability to love more then one person" that maybe true. because i may think im in that situation....FAIL

Wishful thoughts

Part 1

Its not the fact that you have to impress others, to make them happy. Fact you have to impress me. show me what you have to offer, make me want you. Make me want to chase you down. Ive thought about this for the past 2 days, it is killing me. What do i really want. do i want to start something new that means ending something thats great and happy. risk everything or have nothing. how the one i love my true feeling and hold on to it or begin a new life, i want it to be easy, but i know from experiences of life it never be, it will always be complicated and frustrating. I feel like jumping of a bridge and closing my eyes then waking up and im in my perfect state of mind where nothing can hurt me. Life isnt easy heart ache and fearful thoughts will always be there. life will give you lemons its what you do with it, make lemonade or suck them dry.(thanks) Ive thought of it and havent yet come up with an answer. dont know.. im a weakling, poor in a man sense. no guy wants to be the bad guy or evil devil. to improve what i have there are things that i dont want to admit or do, chose or decided i cant just allow things to happen i got to choose now what i want what i need what i believe is best for me. In the end its me that i worry about until that day. where life becomes settled and straight forward. i dont want to jump in the deep end so fast, i can swim but should i, or should i prefer to sink to the bottom. And let things be. i need help mentally, stressed out over something i shouldnt be but i am. Im stoppid i shouldnt be in the position in the first place, but i beleive things happen for a reason and there a reason to this, there must be if there isnt i just farked my self up side ways.

i spoke to a mate about this his advised me that it might be worth going for it, its something that doesnt come often and its might be worth it. its also that it be close by i be near and around more often i wont be having this distance. how would things end? i know bad its a even i care to much to allow this to happen i dont want to hurt others.

24...

Its that time of the month.. celebrating that special day that. The day i was born... mine you i was born in Perth.. as far west as you can get in Australia. Sometimes, well most of the time it doesn't feel any different. Age doesnt add much to my life. Not now i presume.

Ever felt pressured to do something that you want but dont really want people to push you to do it. Yes confusing. Ive just got a offer, if you can call it that.

Question: Ever been pressured to do something that you want to do yourself in time, but others want you to do it now ASAP..?

Im in that situation now being 24 you might know what im on about. I aint gonna say it yet. Pressure to preform to show face to have a future, why. Im not saying that i dont want to, i certianly do but in my own time. Life is harder n harder...

I work my life around star signs.. not those you get in the paper, not daily those are fakes to me. More of a characteristc based one understand individuals and how they work, their mood swings, how to approach and talk to someone. Understand the mind set of people around me. Im a curious person even by nature i like to be nosy lol not good at times.

OX
People born under the sign of the Ox are generally calm, dependable, patient and unflagging. The Ox is symbolic of prosperity that is achieved through hard work. Although obstinate they do have logical minds and will not be easily frightened. They appreciate that in order to achieve success things must be done in a certain methodical and correct way. Ox people are seldom deprived and tend to be both reliable and conventional. They are patient, but once angry and incensed it will be difficult to reason with them, they also have a propensity to hold grudges. Ruled more by their heads than hearts they are full of pride and uncompromising and in order to be happier they should nurture their sense of humor.

The year of the Ox: is one in which success will escape without a sustained, mindful effort. The sort of problems that are encountered in the year of the Ox tend to be home front problems that seem to be never ending. The Ox year needs discipline and it is not the time for unruly behaviour or taking short cuts. In this year success is achieved solely through hard work.

Gemini Character Traits

The symbol for Gemini is the twins, which stand for the duality and changeability of this sign.

'I THINK' is the motto for Gemini. You're intelligent, with a quick mind so you learn fast. You're always studying something, because you're curious about everything. Words trip off your tongue, in a quicksilver flow that makes you good at languages, marketing and anything that calls for the gift of the gab.

You can turn your hand to writing almost anything, whether a novel, play, speech or advertising copy. You like to know what's going on, hence your penchant for gossip. You're also witty and have a sense of mischief.

Variety is the spice of life for you - you like to be in two places at once and have more than one thing on the go.

Your nervous energy and restlessness can give you a reputation for being unreliable and a bit of a butterfly. You can also appear glib.

You are the communicators of the zodiac.

Work

As requested .. lol... photo of my desk and work place

That werid feeling Again

I think its the time of the month, weather not working well by that i mean dam cold and windy. Im starting to feel sick that sore throat, tingly crocky hard to swallow feeling in my throat. Does that mean im going to get sick. You know i hate that feeling i cant get sick. I need to be able to work i rather work go out then stay home all stuffed up. Dont get sick.. i need to take some drugs.. (Panamax) better help i need all the help i can get to make me feel better. Although its more then that. Right? i think there is. i dont want this feeling of being sick but what can i do it cant be helpped. I some how need to find the cause of the sickeness and hunt it down where that dam virus. There always more to it isnt there. Life has a werid way of bring you to the top but so very often ripp it apart and make you feel like the lowest person.

Where the love ey?

Getting sick is so wrong......

James 21st Birthday Bash

Party on saturday night, i got drunk like there was no tomorrow .. drank till my heart content.. or my liver. LOL


Some Photos